U
/u/celineiaaaa
Guest
Don't mind the insane amount of spelling and grammar mistakes hehe. I wrote this in a fit of dispair.
I am 21 years old. I enrolled into chemical engineering BEng 2 years ago at Sheffield Hallam University. I failed my first year, and i think i’m going to fail my retake year, which is why i’m changing university and course. I had developing mental health issues which were being investigated, but i was never formally diagnosed. Twice, two different practitioners suspected i had ADHD. it didn’t got anywhere, but anyway, I qualified for both an EC and disabled student support learning contract.
I have all of my GCSEs with a grade 4 in math, 6 in English language and 9 in English Literature. I loved English- I’m naturally very good at it, even as a child. But societal pressures and lowkey parental expectations caused me to think of finding a more lucrative career/degree. I thought of taking medicine because I loved the TV shows. I took a virtual summer internship at NHS and medic mentor. But GCSE results came in. I passed all of my GCSES. I got a grade 7 in GCSE Chemistry, and 6 in physics so i initially wanted to take Chemistry, maths and physics. I couldn’t take them due to my lack of knowledge that a grade 6 in maths was required to take any science A-level.
I then decided to take A-level English Literature, sociology and philosophy. I was on track for an AAA* and was selected to visit the university of oxford for an exclusive tour for A-level students with potential. I really wanted to become a lawyer at that point and study law at the university of oxford. Until, i dropped out 6 months into it. At the time, i thought i disliked the repetitive essay writing in English Literature. I was so naive. I didn’t hate it, and I should’ve recognised that this was normal struggle. I loved my other 2 subjects- philosophy and Sociology. I felt like I didn’t enjoy my a-levels when I was really just going through a normal rough patch that comes with all study. I thought STEM would be the career for me. After all, I do have decent grades in chemistry and physics. And maths however. i thought that even with my not so natural aptitude/passion for maths, I could study hard and achieve it anyway. I was so wrong.
I instead took a BTEC National extended diploma in applied science, where I achieved grades DMM. I didn’t do as well as I hoped. This is where my mental issues started to arise due to the change of environment from college vs sixth form. I started procrastinating heavily, skipping classes and started making lies and excuses to push back exam dates. My professor referred me to a mentor who suggested I get some therapy for stress management. It was via phone call which i hated. i prefer face to face. The therapy didn’t help and never went anywhere. It worked out in the end with my grades, but barely. I wanted a D*DD.
I then went into Sheffield Hallam Chemical Engineering. The same procrastination, skipping and lying continued into my 2 years at Hallam. I went to a few counselling sessions that the uni provided after I realised it was really getting out of control. This was where they suspected ADHD, but I was convinced that I had bipolar disorder type 2 because of my very extreme cycles of going between very productive to a depressive slump. I frequently suffer from slumps, but they’ve never been as bad as the ones i’ve experienced 5 months ago. I no longer think I have bipolar and i think i convinced myself that I did as an escapism coping mechanism. I want to continue therapy. These behaviours were paramount. It caused me to lie about my driving exams which I didn’t turn up to 4 times now and lied about it each time. I lied and made excuses about a lot of things since then.
I feel like a failure and that I’ve disappointed my family, friends and boyfriend. I lied for 2 years about my grades at Sheffield Hallam and said that I’m doing well and enjoying it. I wasn’t. I hated the school, subject, people. And i didn’t say anything about it. They still think that I’m about to start my last year. I also feel like a failure because for 1 year i struggled to afford my rent. They had to pay my other half of rent every month for a year, and they struggled mentally and financially because of this. I also kept giving them false hope because i’d always tell them i’m doing fine and taking on these new exciting projects. I didn’t actually enjoy it. these behaviours are ruining my life and i’ve gone untreated for too long- almost 4 years now.
I now want to pursue English Literature BA at the University of Sheffield with a Foundation Year. I don't meet the standard requirement, but I want to have a shot applying as a mature student, and explain my situation to be considered for additional consideration.
submitted by /u/celineiaaaa
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Continue reading...
I am 21 years old. I enrolled into chemical engineering BEng 2 years ago at Sheffield Hallam University. I failed my first year, and i think i’m going to fail my retake year, which is why i’m changing university and course. I had developing mental health issues which were being investigated, but i was never formally diagnosed. Twice, two different practitioners suspected i had ADHD. it didn’t got anywhere, but anyway, I qualified for both an EC and disabled student support learning contract.
I have all of my GCSEs with a grade 4 in math, 6 in English language and 9 in English Literature. I loved English- I’m naturally very good at it, even as a child. But societal pressures and lowkey parental expectations caused me to think of finding a more lucrative career/degree. I thought of taking medicine because I loved the TV shows. I took a virtual summer internship at NHS and medic mentor. But GCSE results came in. I passed all of my GCSES. I got a grade 7 in GCSE Chemistry, and 6 in physics so i initially wanted to take Chemistry, maths and physics. I couldn’t take them due to my lack of knowledge that a grade 6 in maths was required to take any science A-level.
I then decided to take A-level English Literature, sociology and philosophy. I was on track for an AAA* and was selected to visit the university of oxford for an exclusive tour for A-level students with potential. I really wanted to become a lawyer at that point and study law at the university of oxford. Until, i dropped out 6 months into it. At the time, i thought i disliked the repetitive essay writing in English Literature. I was so naive. I didn’t hate it, and I should’ve recognised that this was normal struggle. I loved my other 2 subjects- philosophy and Sociology. I felt like I didn’t enjoy my a-levels when I was really just going through a normal rough patch that comes with all study. I thought STEM would be the career for me. After all, I do have decent grades in chemistry and physics. And maths however. i thought that even with my not so natural aptitude/passion for maths, I could study hard and achieve it anyway. I was so wrong.
I instead took a BTEC National extended diploma in applied science, where I achieved grades DMM. I didn’t do as well as I hoped. This is where my mental issues started to arise due to the change of environment from college vs sixth form. I started procrastinating heavily, skipping classes and started making lies and excuses to push back exam dates. My professor referred me to a mentor who suggested I get some therapy for stress management. It was via phone call which i hated. i prefer face to face. The therapy didn’t help and never went anywhere. It worked out in the end with my grades, but barely. I wanted a D*DD.
I then went into Sheffield Hallam Chemical Engineering. The same procrastination, skipping and lying continued into my 2 years at Hallam. I went to a few counselling sessions that the uni provided after I realised it was really getting out of control. This was where they suspected ADHD, but I was convinced that I had bipolar disorder type 2 because of my very extreme cycles of going between very productive to a depressive slump. I frequently suffer from slumps, but they’ve never been as bad as the ones i’ve experienced 5 months ago. I no longer think I have bipolar and i think i convinced myself that I did as an escapism coping mechanism. I want to continue therapy. These behaviours were paramount. It caused me to lie about my driving exams which I didn’t turn up to 4 times now and lied about it each time. I lied and made excuses about a lot of things since then.
I feel like a failure and that I’ve disappointed my family, friends and boyfriend. I lied for 2 years about my grades at Sheffield Hallam and said that I’m doing well and enjoying it. I wasn’t. I hated the school, subject, people. And i didn’t say anything about it. They still think that I’m about to start my last year. I also feel like a failure because for 1 year i struggled to afford my rent. They had to pay my other half of rent every month for a year, and they struggled mentally and financially because of this. I also kept giving them false hope because i’d always tell them i’m doing fine and taking on these new exciting projects. I didn’t actually enjoy it. these behaviours are ruining my life and i’ve gone untreated for too long- almost 4 years now.
I now want to pursue English Literature BA at the University of Sheffield with a Foundation Year. I don't meet the standard requirement, but I want to have a shot applying as a mature student, and explain my situation to be considered for additional consideration.
submitted by /u/celineiaaaa
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...