U
/u/Money-Jacket9575
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(I'm sorry if it sounds too awkward, English is not my first language, hell I'm not even sure someone will see this)
F21, a fourth-year uni student who had to take an academic leave just before the thesis submission because she couldn't write her paper. As a result, all my friends have graduated yesterday, while I'm stuck feeling like a failure and extremely lonely.
Don't wanna go into too much detail, but I chose the paper topic in advance and was sure it was going to be a decent one, but then a professor of mine said that the topic sucks and so do my sources, and I got so upset I couldn't even start. I negotiated with myself a lot, I decided that it's okay if the paper sucks, I just want uni to end already, but the thought of being humiliated during the defence was so terrifying that I just couldn't proceed and, after several sleepless malnourished nights, applied for an academic leave (though I literally even had passed my finals). That was the end of April.
Yesterday, 29 June, my friends and groupmates graduated successfully and I couldn't be more furious about that. I hate myself and project that hatred towards the others, shutting myself from any sort of communication. I hate them. I hate them because they succeeded and I did not. I hate myself because I did not succeed while everyone else did. I hate myself for choosing a shitty paper topic, for thinking I could make a scientific discovery, my ass. I'm so lonely yet I don't want to see anyone, not even my friends from uni since they only remind me of my un-success.
I'm so tired. I've been crying the whole week. My eyes hurt. My soul hurts. It just hurts so much. I don't believe in myself anymore. I hate being an outsider. I know nothing extremely bad happened, everyone keeps saying so, but the grieve for my bachelor's degree that I was supposed to get yesterday is unbearable. I know I'll get it next year and this will end, but now it only hurts so much. I can't even say congrats to my friends since this disgusts me so much because I'm not happy for them. No way I would be happy for those who succeeded in something that I did not, although it's my fault.
This hurts so much. I don't want anything. This is so sad. I am so sad. I don't know just tell me please that I will heal or something, that this feeling is temporary or something, that my feelings are completely understandable and all, that I'm allowed to feel sad about something so insignificant compared to world hunger etc.
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F21, a fourth-year uni student who had to take an academic leave just before the thesis submission because she couldn't write her paper. As a result, all my friends have graduated yesterday, while I'm stuck feeling like a failure and extremely lonely.
Don't wanna go into too much detail, but I chose the paper topic in advance and was sure it was going to be a decent one, but then a professor of mine said that the topic sucks and so do my sources, and I got so upset I couldn't even start. I negotiated with myself a lot, I decided that it's okay if the paper sucks, I just want uni to end already, but the thought of being humiliated during the defence was so terrifying that I just couldn't proceed and, after several sleepless malnourished nights, applied for an academic leave (though I literally even had passed my finals). That was the end of April.
Yesterday, 29 June, my friends and groupmates graduated successfully and I couldn't be more furious about that. I hate myself and project that hatred towards the others, shutting myself from any sort of communication. I hate them. I hate them because they succeeded and I did not. I hate myself because I did not succeed while everyone else did. I hate myself for choosing a shitty paper topic, for thinking I could make a scientific discovery, my ass. I'm so lonely yet I don't want to see anyone, not even my friends from uni since they only remind me of my un-success.
I'm so tired. I've been crying the whole week. My eyes hurt. My soul hurts. It just hurts so much. I don't believe in myself anymore. I hate being an outsider. I know nothing extremely bad happened, everyone keeps saying so, but the grieve for my bachelor's degree that I was supposed to get yesterday is unbearable. I know I'll get it next year and this will end, but now it only hurts so much. I can't even say congrats to my friends since this disgusts me so much because I'm not happy for them. No way I would be happy for those who succeeded in something that I did not, although it's my fault.
This hurts so much. I don't want anything. This is so sad. I am so sad. I don't know just tell me please that I will heal or something, that this feeling is temporary or something, that my feelings are completely understandable and all, that I'm allowed to feel sad about something so insignificant compared to world hunger etc.
submitted by /u/Money-Jacket9575
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...